and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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