soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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