every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i think im in europe. pls send help
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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