wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
