I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
