My balls are so social today.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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