phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
