I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
