I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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