my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
