He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
