Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
