I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
