Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My vagina just recognized that song.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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