and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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