Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
