worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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