I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
