my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
