I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I don't think brook has ever known best
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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