I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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