I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
