I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
