sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
This is my life. Enjoy the view
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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