And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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