I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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