I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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