Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
