I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
