From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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