Im at strip club and am horny
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
