He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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