i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
