You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
