well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just found a bag of teeth...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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