come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
