Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
