my room smells like sperm. sweet.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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