Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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