Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
