Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
