Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
