I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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