You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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