I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
