These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
we should paint friendship bongs
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
