if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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