I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
