Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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