i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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