I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
