I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
