Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize