I feel great
I just peed on a car
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
