have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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