sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
