yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I need a beard to bite.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
