awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
