when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
