so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
