Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
