I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
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I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
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It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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