Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
you had me at cake vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize