Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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