ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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