i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
