glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize