The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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