and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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