If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
