I think my vagina is haunted
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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