I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
