Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
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