I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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