everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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