I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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