someone threw a dead crab at me
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
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After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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