I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
