I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
