Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
