You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
two words...techno handjob
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
